I will keep this short and sweet.

My father was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer and lymphoma near the end of August 2017. There was nothing they could do. My father and I were best friends. He was my comedian, my confidant, my world traveler and the one person in this life that I knew had my back, would do anything for me and that would always have the words to say to make me feel better when life was rough.

I was 24 at the time of his death – October 17th, 2016 – he went fast. I was his primary caregiver, being the only child in a divorced marriage. I cared for him everyday, dealt with nurses, doctors, rude people, people that were lovely, people that didn’t understand, people that didn’t know what to say or do. I dealt with his banking, lawyers, legal things, estate things, house things, insurance things, and everything in between. I was his emotional counselor, his psw, his legal department, his social worker and his administrative assistant during this time, but what I regret the most is that I forgot to be his daughter and best friend. Why would I do that? Because I had no idea how to handle this journey. No one tells you what it will be like. No one talks about it at all and I had no idea how to process it. Hindsight really is 20/20 – If I could go back I would have broken down those roles I had put on myself and solely focused on the relationship I had with my dad and best friend. I would have soaked up every conversation, hug, funny joke and look my dad gave me.

I saw my best friend slowly deteriorate before my eyes and there was nothing I could do from him slipping away. He left and I am still here trying to sort out my life. I am left with a new perspective on life, on people, on how to spend my time and what is important in life.

I never knew what to expect, because death and grief, I found, are very taboo subjects in western culture. In this blog you can find my nitty gritty details of my grieving journey, encounters I come across, and new perspectives I have.

Read because you are interested, read because you are hoping to better understand, read because you want to help someone going through it, read because you are about to go through it, or don’t read it all. I don’t care.

Take what you need and leave the rest.